Barney's Rubble
The Sky Is Falling!
Doug Barney ponders apocalypse theories, the true definition of spyware and more.
Intel's top brainiacs are claiming that the Internet is seriously overloaded and
will soon collapse if we don't do anything. The answer? Build an entirely new
network over the existing one.
IT vets are no strangers to this type of apocalypse theory—in fact it's nearly
10 years old. Bob Metcalfe, the inventor of Ethernet and my former boss at InfoWorld,
pounded these drums in the mid-90s, claiming a gigalapse or other catastrophic
outage would soon hit the 'Net.
While he was wrong in 1996, the theory is still sound. Like Rosie O'Donnell
on a moped, anything that is sufficiently stressed will eventually fail.
Mad As Heck
I'm madder than a flea on a clean-shaven poodle about all these plug-ins and
add-ons taking over my PC—that includes tools from respected vendors with monumental
market caps. Take AOL Instant Messenger, which my 11-year-old son recently installed
so he could chat with his buds on my machine. I got a nifty pop-up blocking
toolbar out of the deal. Unfortunately, every other page I hit was hijacked
by AOL. When viewing a page, I'd be taken to a "Page Not Available" screen that
was curiously filled with AOL-sponsored links.
I got rid of it "tout de suite," and felt good again—at least until I browsed
the Forbes 400 list to see how many Microsofties made it (Gates and Ballmer
of course, plus two former employees, Paul Allen and Charles Simonyi).
One pop-up that slid past my Stopzilla blocker alerted me that my ViewPoint
media viewer had been cheerfully updated and would I please click to accept
the wonderful new features. There was no obvious button to opt-out, so I ctrl-alt-deleted
my way out. Ten minutes later, after a full Google investigation, I was once
again updated. This time I found the out—click on About Us and there is the
deeply hidden decline option. Boy, that's obvious.
Every time I've called something Spyware, I get e-mails with a million technical
reasons why that is not the case, along with demands to cease and desist. So
let me be perfectly clear—ViewPoint is not Spyware. Let me be equally clear,
a lot of users on the Internet are convinced it is. Either way, the installation
process is intrusive, obnoxious and unacceptable.
Smells Like IT Spirit
Years ago, I had a co-worker whose breath was one notch shy of grim death—which
is what I wished for every time he walked into my office. I brought in some
Lavoris, and would take a swig, then slyly offer him some. "I'm all set," was
the only answer.
Siemens Mobile has a more effective answer. The telecom giant is building
a cell phone that can detect bad breath and other offensive odors. Now that's
how you drop a hint. For more info, log onto http://budlight.whipnet.com
and choose the selection sixth from the bottom.
As always, feel free to shoot me some mail at [email protected].
About the Author
Doug Barney is editor in chief of Redmond magazine and the VP, editorial director of Redmond Media Group.